Why, it's John Smith from Calcutta!

It's always a joy to receive calls directly from Windows.
In case you don't know, Windows is the company that sells Microsoft. Or was it the other way around?

This is a transcript of one of their calls.

Scammer (with heavy Indian accent): Hello Sir. My name i John Smith. I'm calling from Windows.
Me (pidgin English): Uh, yes. Hällo?
Scammer: Sir, I'm calling from Windows. There is a problem with on of your computers.
Me: Ah, yes, yes. Windows? Windows are big problem.
Scammer: We have reason to believe that someone has broken into your computer.
Me: Computer? No is windows is problem.
Scammer: Yes, your Windows computer.
Me: Is big problem. You say you wash all windows. But you only wash windows on first floor.
Scammer: (Mumbles nasty things on Hindi) No, not windows. Your computer...
Me: You not wash computer. You crazy! You come and wash all windows.
Scammer: Do you have a computer, Sir?
Me: Ah, computer! Yes, you wait. You speak with computer man.

[I put the call on hold, then take it back]

Me (in a slightly different voice): Hello, IT. Have you tried switching it off and on again?
Scammer: Sir, I am calling from Microsoft concerning on of your computers.
Me: No no, you have called to Microsoft. Let's get our preposition right. How can I help you?
Scammer: There is a problem with your computer.
Me: If you have a problem with your computer I can forward you to our anti virus department. There will be a one-time fee, though.

[Scammer hangs up]

Let's call this one a win.

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